Emotional

Sometimes, feeling lonely while being surrounded by family is the worst feeling.

Night after night with only yourself to speak to is also bad, not seeing your spouse but 2 nights a week.

I know I’m lucky to have better situation than some others, but it still gets lonely.

Cold nights, chills biting into your skin.

Trying to buy their affections is a horrible feeling too, you know they wouldn’t spare a glance your way otherwise.

Still getting nothing in return.

I don’t want your gifts or a thank you, just seeing you smile from your hearts, appreciating my efforts, it warms my heart to unbelievable measures.

I know I’m not the best; I, too, have a blackness in me.

But I’m not the worst.

Yes, I don’t envy you for what you have that I don’t, I’m content with what I do have.

But I can’t help want to be appreciated, since I know everyone can go on without me in their lives if I were you leave.

I want to get along with others, too; I keep grinning and acting silly, but I’m not stupid.

I know what you say behind my back, I just choose not to listen.

I know how you look at me, I just choose not to see it.

I know what you think of me, I just choose not to acknowledge it.

I’m the weird one in the he family and I know it, but it’s not wrong.

I just don’t share your hobbies and interests, is that wrong?

Not having children in my age isn’t a crime, why are you mad at me? I know all my siblings have children, I know I’m third eldest out of ten, so what?

No, I’m not jealous you have children and I don’t, but sometimes, rarely, I wish that I do.

It’s not because I want a child….

But because I’m just lonely.

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Global Village

Ever been to Dubai?

One must visit the global village when they are there when it’s open.

Yesterday I went and visited India, Europe, Far East, Thailand, Turkey, Egypt, Kuwait, UAE, and many more.

Food is the main factor there as well as their goods, of course.

Meeting people of those nationalities and trying out their culture is fun, too. I like it when I show them a word or two from what I know from their language; their reactions fills my heart with happiness.

Ah, I found this yummy Ice cream, too. Black charcoal!

Tasted like Vanilla, though. My favorite.

There were many shops for unique things, people try their best.

It’s lovely.

New PC

I got a new pc, wasn’t planning to get it now but it happened somehow. Lol

Loving how powerful it is, collected everything as I want it.

– Motherboard: Asus z27d e

– Cabin: nzxt

– Processor: i7 7700k

– Ram: 32

– SSD: 500gb

– Normal hard disk: 2tb

– Graphics: 1080ti

– Cooler: h100i v2

– smps: 850

– nzxt led fan

– windows 10 pro

Then got the monitor: aoc g2460pf 24″ amd freesync

Last are the mouse and keyboard from Razer. Mamba tournament edition?

I think I can call it a gamer pc, ne?

It cost me a fortune, to be honest, and I know many gamers might call me a gamer girl wannabe, however that won’t stop the fact that I got it, especially that it’s not the only purpose for this pc. Lol

Also, I hope this will give me the push I need to go back to dubbing, sing, writing and editing again.

I lost my spark 4 years ago with no apparent reason.

Let’s just hope.