Sometimes, feeling lonely while being surrounded by family is the worst feeling.
Night after night with only yourself to speak to is also bad, not seeing your spouse but 2 nights a week.
I know I’m lucky to have better situation than some others, but it still gets lonely.
Cold nights, chills biting into your skin.
Trying to buy their affections is a horrible feeling too, you know they wouldn’t spare a glance your way otherwise.
Still getting nothing in return.
I don’t want your gifts or a thank you, just seeing you smile from your hearts, appreciating my efforts, it warms my heart to unbelievable measures.
I know I’m not the best; I, too, have a blackness in me.
But I’m not the worst.
Yes, I don’t envy you for what you have that I don’t, I’m content with what I do have.
But I can’t help want to be appreciated, since I know everyone can go on without me in their lives if I were to leave.
I want to get along with others, too; I keep grinning and acting silly, but I’m not stupid.
I know what you say behind my back, I just choose not to listen.
I know how you look at me, I just choose not to see it.
I know what you think of me, I just choose not to acknowledge it.
I’m the weird one in the he family and I know it, but it’s not wrong.
I just don’t share your hobbies and interests, is that wrong?
Not having children in my age isn’t a crime, why are you mad at me? I know all my siblings have children, I know I’m third eldest out of ten, so what?
No, I’m not jealous you have children and I don’t, but sometimes, rarely, I wish that I do.
It’s not because I want a child….
But because I’m just lonely.