Emotional

Sometimes, feeling lonely while being surrounded by family is the worst feeling.

Night after night with only yourself to speak to is also bad, not seeing your spouse but 2 nights a week.

I know I’m lucky to have better situation than some others, but it still gets lonely.

Cold nights, chills biting into your skin.

Trying to buy their affections is a horrible feeling too, you know they wouldn’t spare a glance your way otherwise.

Still getting nothing in return.

I don’t want your gifts or a thank you, just seeing you smile from your hearts, appreciating my efforts, it warms my heart to unbelievable measures.

I know I’m not the best; I, too, have a blackness in me.

But I’m not the worst.

Yes, I don’t envy you for what you have that I don’t, I’m content with what I do have.

But I can’t help want to be appreciated, since I know everyone can go on without me in their lives if I were you leave.

I want to get along with others, too; I keep grinning and acting silly, but I’m not stupid.

I know what you say behind my back, I just choose not to listen.

I know how you look at me, I just choose not to see it.

I know what you think of me, I just choose not to acknowledge it.

I’m the weird one in the he family and I know it, but it’s not wrong.

I just don’t share your hobbies and interests, is that wrong?

Not having children in my age isn’t a crime, why are you mad at me? I know all my siblings have children, I know I’m third eldest out of ten, so what?

No, I’m not jealous you have children and I don’t, but sometimes, rarely, I wish that I do.

It’s not because I want a child….

But because I’m just lonely.

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New PC

I got a new pc, wasn’t planning to get it now but it happened somehow. Lol

Loving how powerful it is, collected everything as I want it.

– Motherboard: Asus z27d e

– Cabin: nzxt

– Processor: i7 7700k

– Ram: 32

– SSD: 500gb

– Normal hard disk: 2tb

– Graphics: 1080ti

– Cooler: h100i v2

– smps: 850

– nzxt led fan

– windows 10 pro

Then got the monitor: aoc g2460pf 24″ amd freesync

Last are the mouse and keyboard from Razer. Mamba tournament edition?

I think I can call it a gamer pc, ne?

It cost me a fortune, to be honest, and I know many gamers might call me a gamer girl wannabe, however that won’t stop the fact that I got it, especially that it’s not the only purpose for this pc. Lol

Also, I hope this will give me the push I need to go back to dubbing, sing, writing and editing again.

I lost my spark 4 years ago with no apparent reason.

Let’s just hope.

Today’s Plan~

Thursday, finally!!

I’m so sleepy, don’t know how I managed to get up and then drive to work.

Didn’t sleep much, only at 6Am and had to wake up every few minutes to make sure I don’t over sleep. T.T

Later today, my husband will come back so I’m going to make some things~

– Pancake.

– Pasta.

– Shrimp Dynamite.

I don’t even know how I’ll manage them with my headache and lack of sleep….. mmm, should I leave early today?

I need to go to Nike’s shop to change the shoes I got for my brother, they tried to scam to yesterday on the phone.

Ah, I will get a new iphone today, too!

My old one broke… I threw it in a fit of anger and CRASH!

Ehh..

First Anniversary~

Yesterday I went to Dubai Mall to do few things.

1- Winning coupon:

They forgot all about it.

2- Replacement of my Swarovski Galaxy S4 cover:

Seems like they lost it, but told me to get anything else I want of the same price.

So I got a Ring.

Watched few Water shows, Went sight-seeing, and then had dinner at P.F.Chang’s~

But all in all, it was filled to the brim with arguments…. it was a total disaster.

Today is our first Anniversary, hope it turns out much better than yesterday, I won’t be able to handle it.

This weekend

This weekend was the best in so long.

I didn’t have a single argument with my husband!

My sisters in law even made us a cake to celebrate our first anniversary of marriage, isn’t that nice?

I was shocked, thought it was a joke and the cake for someone else, even, since our anniversary is after a week, next Sunday, 24th of May.

We went on a Date too, I was really happy.

Funny thing happened, I prepared few gifts for him, one is new.. clothing? We have a traditional clothing for me in the UAE, it’s all white and long, full sleeved.

I didn’t want him to know as it is a surprise, but then he found out about his missing dress!

Searching all over the place for it and calling Laundry.

Turned out I took his best dress. lol

How was I to know? They were all the same! even organized the exact same way!

I took it by random pick.

I felt bad for the Laundry guy, so I had to get him this one as an early gift, sadly.

Though I tricked him a bit more, we still have our date to go, so when I got it from my family’s house, he thought it was his, I denied telling him it’s my own dress, haha.

So later when we went back home, I gave it to him, his reaction was priceless!

I’m glad he liked it, I just hope he likes the other ones, too, when I give them to him, too.

I’m planning on a cake too.

He might come earlier this week, or will stay a day longer.

I prefer a day longer, since it’s going to be Sunday, our Anniversary.

Let’s see how this will turn out.

I want to make a drawing of this event; I didn’t draw one for our wedding, so why not now…?

Ah, ideas, ideas~

I wanted to post my husband OC, but the connection seems to be bad and won’t upload it.

Regards~